Author: Earl Butler
Shifting Your Paradigm About How You Make Money
We love our paradigms. Our paradigms are a standard, perspective, or set of ideas. A paradigm is a way of looking at something and then our mind just “believes” it to be true. The word paradigm comes up a lot in the academic, scientific, and business worlds, but do we reflect on it enough about our own personal paradigms? When you change paradigms, you’re changing how you think about something. When you change how you think about something you change how you act.
The concept of the five-day work week is nearly a 100-year-old paradigm started with Henry Ford. He stated: “Just as the eight-hour day opened our way to prosperity in America, so the five-day workweek will open our way to still greater prosperity … It is high time to rid ourselves of the notion that leisure for workmen is either lost time or a class privilege.” The five-day week, he figured, would encourage industrial workers to vacation and shop on Saturday. Before long, manufacturers all over the world followed his lead. “People who have more leisure must have more clothes,” he argued. “They eat a greater variety of food. They require more transportation in vehicles.”
This concept is a part of the paradigm that drove America to its global economic power and it has obviously served us well. We work hard. We trade our time for money. And we spend our money on the weekends…in our spare time. But what about the later part of what I quoted: “people with more leisure must have…” flexibility or freedom to do what they wanted when they wanted. Those “leisurely people” were not trading their time for money. And we don’t have to either. Have you ever wondered how you could multiply yourself or earn while your sleep? How maybe taking a few hours a week to build passive income that may free up more of your time?
This really struck me when I think about my wife and I working out. I still trade my time for money, Monday through Friday. With my commute I trade about 10.5 hours a day. But in the evening, I still feel like I am on my employer’s schedule. I cannot leisurely relax. Get to the gym. Get the workout. Get dinner done. Bedtime is soon as that alarm goes off at 5am.
Yes, this will require a paradigm shift in the traditional way of thinking of the work week as well as the time for money model. I know I have had to work and shift it. Even that paradigm of being “too tired” to spend time building that passive income doesn’t serve me. If you’ve ever been in a commissionable business, like real estate or sales then this might be more palatable endeavor. If you have been stuck collecting a paycheck this “belief” could be harder. Especially if you have attached the belief of “when I retire.” Mindset is important and paradigm disruption is the answer.
We are shifting our paradigm about trading time for money. Yes, it will take us a few years to get there. We cannot dedicate those 11 or so hours a day I lose to growing it. But we are dedicated to being “people of Leisure”, owing our time. We appreciate growing with people what want to learn and change their lives. Please reach out and we will happily engage to see if you are a good fit for this entrepreneurial opportunity.
Which Person are You?
It is times like this when you want to just quit! I get it, 2020 has been one hell of a year, but let’s face it: Life can be one of the hardest puzzles to solve. You can seemingly do everything right, play by the rules, follow the right steps and still not get ahead. It can make even the most determined big thinker out there want to hand up their shoes and quit the game. I love this quote from Eric Worre – we have to ask ourselves in these situations which kind of person are you going to be?
When in Network Marketing, this is especially true. The first years are a rollercoaster ride of exciting make money times, and super lows. Hoping you found your diamond on your team, to only realize they are a dud. Up and down.
There are countless stories of very successful people who could have quit but opted to stay the course. I love 2 stories in particular: Jay-Z and Sir James Dyson.
Jay-z grew up in the Marcy housing project in a single parent home. He pretty much failed at school. He found music and after hard work and meager success, he could not find a record deal. While trying to he sold CD’s out of the truck of his car. (Yes, CD’s were actually a medium for music once. Go look in your parent’s storage, lol.) He did not let the lack of deal stop him. What did Jay-z do? He created his own record label called Roc-a-fella record with some friends and the rest is musical history. Jay-z decided which kind of person he was going to be.
Sir James Dyson, as you probably know, came up with the idea of the cyclonic separation based vacuum cleaner simply because he was tired of his hoover losing suction. It took him 5,126 failures and an extremely supportive wife BTW (supportive partners always help your business grow) before he had a working model. Then, no distributors would take his idea as the vacuum bag business was a $123m at the time, and why mess with what’s working? He took his hot pink product to Japan selling it via catalogue and in 1986, three after its introduction he got a US patent. He still had to create his own company to get it one the market.
These are two amazing stories of two individuals who could have thrown in the towel and quit but they didn’t which speaks to who they are as a person. This holds true when you start a network marking business. Sometimes the same ol’ won’t work. Will you quit? Or find a new way? Sometimes shelter in place will happen. Will you quit or learn modern social media techniques to grow your business?
We are looking for people who aren’t going to accept failure even if that means creating their own path. We love rebels, and continue to teach out team rebel ways for success! I can guarantee you there will always be a reason to quit and there will always be a reason to keep going. What kind of person are you going to be?
Think big, Dream Big, Go Big People
We all want to be productive, industrious and have fun. When we are young, we think we have all the time in the world to live our dreams and thus we defer things to later under the belief that we have time. I though have always been a think big, dream big and go big kind of person. I now realize that I probably could have even gone harder.
I thought I was an industrious person growing up. I had dreams and desires that I wholeheartedly executed on in order to achieve within my life. I wanted to graduate college, so I did the work to achieve that dream. I wanted to play in the NFL. I thought I had done the work to get it but unfortunately it didn’t work out. I had made a promise to myself to keep progressing to my next goal or goals once an item had reached its natural conclusion. I keep the habit of asking myself: “what is next to live my greatest life?”
I never really thought about starting or owning a business as a young man. It just wasn’t something you saw growing up. I did however want experiences and things that I had not seen like a successful corporate career as both of my parents and grandparents were manual labors. I wanted to make my parents proud and I did that through the actions and behaviors I exhibited in my maturation process. I also wanted to buy or build a home that represented the fruit of my labor. We have one we love.
We all can look back and see that some of our friends and colleagues hit the proverbial glass ceiling at the end of high school and others of us blossomed into completely different people beyond high school. I also sadly watch people aging and not challenging themselves anymore. They are just wanting to “retire and die.” Not me! So, when my wife said let us start this networking business, and it aligned with our values and also allowed me to think big, dream big and go big once again? I was fully committed.
We all laugh a bit today when we think about the gems of knowledge that were handed down to us that we probably couldn’t comprehend or digest at the time, but now we look at them and go “man if I would have understood back then how thing might be different”. I would have started my side hustle years ago. And if you are like me, a think big, dream big, go big person, you agree.
Life is a real-time adventure that ebbs and flows constantly. We all like our patterns especially the comfortable ones: a safe stable job, plenty and consistent pay, safety, and shelter. Here now Covid throws a wrench into so called “safety.” Yet think big, dream big, go big people are always thinking about the next thing, the bigger plan, how to not let the world control their safety. That’s why network marketing makes sense to people like me.
As I mentioned before, you only have right now so if you are in the first half of you life I urge you to go hard towards your goals, and start thinking bigger than you are today- I wish I had. If you’re in the second half of life guess what? I urge you to reawaken the fire in your belly and go hard to some goals. Those Andy Griffith re-runs will still be there, but you should want to close things out like a Boss.
BIG FOUR Reasons to Change and Make Success
When I started my career, I thought I would work for as long as I wanted to for one (maybe two) companies and retire as I was told growing up. My elders, always said: “get a good job and stay loyal, then retire with that pension.” I started working at my post graduate school job in 1998. It was a great place, I had great colleagues and we worked hard. I routinely woke at 4am, drove to the gym and then to work. I also believe that Protestant work ethic: “Hard work pays off.” I made a good living and never genuinely wanted for anything. In 2003, my organization lost a landmark case which triggered downsizing and coupled with the emergence of technical out-sourcing. And I was one the list.
The world has changed and it continues to change at an ever increasing rate. The day’s of working for one company your entire life and retiring or working one job and being able to live the life you want as opposed to living the you can afford may be over. Even now, where my family also believe that “government jobs” were safe, they hire on a contract basis. There is no guarantee of hitting a full pension.
A year and half ago my wife and partner told me about an eCommerce business idea that she had and wanted to get my opinion. I immediately was receptive due to several items:
- Time: I only have so much time that I can physically be productive and that number declines as you layer on family obligations, commutes, etc. so the opportunity to earn money while I slept was a compelling item.
- Finances: Outsourcing work and the use of contract labor has made a significant transference of financial cost to individuals such as benefit cost. No longer are the days of sick leave, paid vacation and benefits – those are all out of pocket for many.
- Competition: As an ex-collegiate athlete but it is still in me. I love to compete but when you talk about competing for jobs the selection process is very subjective. Also, I find work isn’t competitive anymore. I know my job and try to learn new things, but am even limited there. This would ignite that in me again- how do I win at this?
- Earning: Your ability to earn greater and greater amounts is limited not only by your skills but the politics, and various other social economic factors that are outside of your control. Once we talked through the business opportunity and the only thing stopping us form earning was us -it was obvious to me that we should do it.
There is a lot that goes into starting and running a business. There is tons of paperwork, meetings, cold calls, prospecting and business development, just to name a few. Part of the attraction to this business is it is turnkey so the administrative paperwork, and overhead was handled by the hosting group. The reduction in the administrative burden allows us to focus on the substantive which was business development, advertisement, lead generation, sale’s pipeline management, etc.
I’ve learned a lot and continue to learn daily in this endeavor. Four big things I have learned:
- Be a better listener. There is a lot of noise in the world. People will talk which may give you the illusion that they want to do business with you and your ability to listen and quiet the noise and will go a long way in possibly closing a transaction or finding an ideal teammate that will duplicate what you do.
- Always be in business mode. No matter the time or place you should always be ready to do business. Social situation or social media an opportunity may arise to do business and you must be ready. Doesn’t matter how tired I am.
- Adapt to a changing landscape. This is important with the advent of social media as people are paying less attention to their phones (especially unknown numbers) and email. In addition people’s attention is captured by video, fame, and social media platforms so you have to flow like water and find away to achieve your goal.
- Lastly, business development is a lot like courting. You see a beautiful woman but you have to put yourself and what you have to offer on the line. Ok, masculine example, but I am a man! Point is you have to put yourself out there. You may win or loss but you have to take action.
If you want to live your dream you must take actions and do thing that will facilitate your dream. That means constantly tending and helping it reach its fullest potential. Often we get in the rut of work hard and stay loyal. Now the only people I am passionate about and working for is us. That’s why I said yes to this great opportunity.
Finding What you Value: Is it Dumbshit?
Since the end of World War II, the United States has enjoyed a 75-year reign of global supremacy. This dominance has been based on the mobilization of industry, labor, labor unions, resources, as well as knowledge and production methods. One of the things this period of prosperity has brought about is a huge change in our value system. If you talk to anyone from the WWII generation, they will talk about the values of simple times and living. Let us not confuse those times with being easy! It is not called “The Greatest Generation” for nothing. People still wanted for pleasurable things like a television, a car and a family vacation.
What you will find is that many of those same families also had agriculture roots and had gardens to help feed their families. During the war years, people were encouraged to have gardens often called “Victory Gardens”. During the post WWII boom and migration to the suburbs the commitment to growing your own food faded. It was with the migration to “suburbia living” where we started to see the value system shift quite expectedly away simple living and saving for “the bling” if you will, toward one of bigger paychecks and ever larger wants and desires. For example, no longer was it a single car family, both parents had cars.
In the last 20 years we have had two financial crisis- one around 2008 with the subprime, and our current COVID-19 pandemic. Personally, this is when we started Temple Terroir Urban Garden at our home as a way to offset and supplement our food needs reminisce of a long-forgotten time in our country’s history. If my 50-year-old self told my 20-year-old self: “one day you’re going to be a master gardener,” I would have laughed and said you are out of your mind! We made it through the sub-prime crisis but kept Temple Terroir growing food year and around, canning, pickling and giving our abundance away to those who needed and wanted fresh food. This became a part of our values that we hold dear today. Even since then, when one of our two cars needed to be “replaced”, we decided to try it with one car and have not yet purchased a second car.
Interestingly the COVID-19 pandemic caused the supply chains to be disrupted as companies physically distanced and even shut down. There is this this crazy phenomenon of people hoarding. This is where I recognized a heavy imbalance of our values. You can’t feed your family with the mansion, the Gulfstream G700, the red diamond or yacht no matter how many you have. You cannot hoard enough to feel like you have enough.
We all need food, water, sleep, shelter and sex. We all need to feel loved, valued and appreciated. Ron Finley the OG Gangsta Gardener from LA said it best “People have been valuing dumbshit, and now they see how valuable food is. The pandemic has hit the values-system rest button.” At least temporarily.
Trust me, I am not wanting demonize materiality and the pursuit of material things. My wife and I started our home-based network marketing business because we want more freedom and flexibility. And we only get that through building wealth, not by punching a time clock to collect a paycheck. When I think of resetting the value system, I think of bringing balance back to the system. Now is the time to establish that balance. Now is a great time to ask what you really value? Time with family and friends? Flexibility to travel or learn new things? Maybe just grow your own food like we do?
Many are missing that check right now during that shelter-in place even to the point of protesting but why not replace that check with an investment in yourself and values that truly matter? Now is the time to start your own business and victory garden. You can still have the grandiose car, house and vacation all bankrolled with your effort both in the business as well as the victory garden. Build health and wealth, and change the lives of those you love. Then the next financial crisis you will be in balance and ok. We’d love to have you work with us if this resonates for you.
Whose Life are you Living?
I want to believe we all grow-up with an idea of what we want to be when we grow-up. Having a dream in our life is important, not only when we are young, but even as we grow older.
From my earliest memories I dreamt of making it to the National Football League (NFL). I recall watching the games and playing catch with Dad. My dad never pushed me toward the game, it was just something I thought I wanted. I always played with my friends in the neighborhood and I was surprisingly good. But my first test of actual football was my freshmen year of high school. My mother wanted me to focus on my studies but all my friends were playing so I begged her to let me play with the understanding that if my grades suffered I would stop immediately.
What an experience! In those days, we had no idea what went into playing football as the 24/7 news update cycle didn’t exist. YouTube didn’t exist. I find that most people, because they have not played a sport, have no idea the amount of work goes into preparing for any type of athletic competition. I can still remember the wind sprints and the drills. And I especially remember the first contact! Our coach brought the local pop warner team our practice to “hit” with us. That first contact definitely was a gut check for everyone who wanted to play, especially if you went against somebody with more experience! I as a saw several snot bubbles coming out of people’s noses some definitely quit right away. One of the pop warner players was a dear friend of mine. One I consider a brother and lifelong friend. He showed why they called him “Pound for Pound” that day practicing “contact”. He definitely wasn’t the biggest, but he always brought the ferocity! I was still invested in my dream.
Then the shear amount of effort along with drills like “The Oklahoma Drill” ended a lot of careers early, lol. The reason I mention this is because if you’re not truly invested in what you’re doing why are you doing it? It is really your dream, or just some silly little fantasy?
Although I was a child when I conceived of this dream when I arrived at my moment of truth, I was undeterred by the work related playing football. I love everything about the game. The camaraderie, friendship, yes the violence, hard practices and obviously the games. I learned some great life lessons on this journey, and I want to believe that I had an innate calling to the game, even though playing for the NFL did not play out.
When I ask whose life are you living, I’m referring to the vision and the dream. Are you going to work every day making someone else’s dream and vision come true? Or are you working towards yours? Me I wanted to get to the NFL I tried my best it didn’t work out, but not once did I question why I was doing this because it was my dream and vision. Now I have a new dream, and just like wanting to play for the NFL, it is a big, hairy hard to reach dream. Starting my business with my wife. We are learning the drills, going to practice, and taking the hits, why? Because we want it. Because I want it. I am tired working for someone else’s dream!
If You Stay Ready You Don’t Have to get ready.
When I first started working after graduate school, one of my main goals was to get to the right job, making the right money, get all my affairs in order. I had a very linear way of thinking about life. Granted, I was young, and life and been pretty good (and predictable) so far. This was before my mother got sick and passed, the house burned down, my father suddenly passing away along with being laid off. I look back on my younger self and laugh because other than aging and going to school there aren’t many linear paths through our existence.
Those events taught me an important lesson, and now I see something in a new light that we always said growing up in the streets of Richmond CA. We always said: “If you stay ready, you won’t have to get ready.” After losing my first career position, one that I thought I would retire and die in, I learned stay ready. Now I always look for new opportunities. Honestly, it is easier to say no when you have a job than when you don’t.
Like most people, we started off the New Year with clear linear plans for life: home, family, exercise, vacation and career. Things were going as planned on this linear path. Then, a Black Swan events like COVID-19 happens. It will probably send 2020 down as being one of the worse events in our history, but it is a great example of the non-linear path that life takes. It has been a great example of staying ready. For example we had been settling in to a great workout routine in the gym. But gyms are closed. We are actually down significantly in weight since Shelter in Place, because we stay ready and knew what the workout would look like.
Many people have had their retirements postponed, even completely lost. Job offers have been pulled back as unemployment skyrockets. Every plan is probably on hold or destroyed with COVID-19 and the financial crisis that ensued.
Personally, we will overcome this terrible time and new opportunity will be created from this chaos. You just have to be aware and see it for what it is. You have to be ready and flexible to keep going and growing. It was a famous song from a Claymation move “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” called “Put one foot in front of the other” by Jules Bass. This song encapsulates it never being too late to change yourself or your life. It is nearly impossible at this point predict how your life with proceed even with the best laid plans. Keep that in mind, rest assured that there isn’t a perfect time to start anything. If you stay ready, you don’t have to get ready.
I am grateful that my wife and I started our side hustle a year and a half ago. Although I am an essential worker with the Department of Public Health, Ann lost all her speaking gigs. She is now working the side hustle full time, and growing it faster than before.
I urge you to take this time to re-prioritize what is important to you and execute on whatever it is, be it the side hustle, a new career, downsizing, a simpler way of living, or even living healthy. Just know it all starts with you taking action and realizing that the path is winding but ultimately this is path you want to be on.
You Are not Weak if You Sleep 8 Hours Every Night
We have been coached and indoctrinated in the United States in the Protestant work ethic concept. In my early career, I believed and prioritized work over many important things in my life including sleep. My days were long and hard as I was on the forefront of the technical revolution.
You see it throughout our society- people in the 24/7/365 cycle of constant work. People starting their commutes earlier, driving further and working longer. People checking work email from their personal phones, in their bed, morning and night. The line between work and leisure becomes more obscured. You hear people say: “Sleep is the new Broke” I think that should be rephrased to “The Lack of sleep will break you down”. Our society is such that it is almost a sign of inferiority or laziness to mention that you get eight hours of sleep a night and wake up naturally.
There have been many studies about the high correlation between sleep quality and general health. Let this sink in: most people are killing themselves slowly by not sleeping enough. We all should know a few important things about sleep. Sleep helps us:
- Process information
- Our brains may be the most complex thing in the known universe but as we sleep, short term memories are transferred to long term memories. Problems are solved.
- Toxin removal
- Neurons (brain cells) are energy hogs and thus produce a lot more waste than an average cell. The Glymphatic system is more active when we sleep removing Beta and Tau Amlyoid from brain both associated with Alzheimers disease.
- Immune system
- When we sleep our body releases cytokines which help our bodies fight infection and diseases
- Promotes recovery
- Sleep is crucial in muscle and general body recovery. It is when the body heals form the wear and tear of the day.
I’ve only focused on the physical benefits of sleep so far, but one often overlooked benefit is our relationships with loved ones and colleagues. You ever notice when you are tired you might become a little short or easily frustrated? That your tone changes or temper is shorter? This impacts your partners, friends and business relations.
I think many of us have heard how important sleep is to our general health and well-being. There isn’t a one size fits all model for our sleep needs, but I like to use the analogy “Worker harder Sleep Harder” (that would be an Earlism if you follow my wife on facebook). There are countless studies that have been performed showing the epidemic levels of sleep deprivation and insomnia in our society.
- https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6473877/
- https://www.sleepdr.com/the-sleep-blog/cdc-declares-sleep-disorders-a-public-health-epidemic/
Instead of trying to stay up all night get a good night rest consistently. Prioritize it and this can become the basis of great physical health and productive relationships both personal and professional. Trust me, the job will still be there.
Be a Do-er Not a Talker
I’m of the mind that deeds, know matter how big or small, are important not words. Your actions say a lot about you as a person. We all can be guilty of loving the THOUGHT of great outcomes. We can be so focused on the prize, but it often causes us to lose sight of the details that need to happen to get to the prize. I believe it was the motivational speaker Eric ‘ET” Thomas who said “Everyone wants to be a beast until its time do what beasts do..” Let that sink in for a moment. Although it is a simple that is the point: anything you want to do or accomplish in life is probably not going to be an easy endeavor but if you believe in self then you are willing to do the things required to make it feasible. My wife always says: “Anything worth having is worth working on.”
Another great quote:
“A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step” –Laozi
I like to think of this quote from an actual plan and execution standpoint because as I stated earlier it’s easy to default and fall to the outcome but there is typically a long distance between getting started in anything and reaching that outcome. I once had a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu student who on day one asked me if he could fight mixed martial arts as a goal. I told him anything is possible if you are willing to do the work. He wasn’t the most talented martial artist, but he had the heart and focus to stick to the plan and he was able to achieve his outcome. He achieved a mixed martial arts (MMA) record of 3-1. I’ve seen very talented and mediocre people fail to reach their goals.
Admiral William McRaven made an amazing motivational speech to the graduating class of the University of Texas in 2014. In a nutshell, it speaks to specific actions taken everyday that will change the world. In his example it was making your bed everyday (might read Ann’s post about making your bed) as the analogy. This concept applies to anything you do – career, relationship, health and wealth. If you want to be in shape it starts will the little details of eating correctly for your body. You can’t change the world by just ideas it is the application and execution of little actions that is necessary to execute on the idea you have.
You don’t have to re-invent the wheel, many of the basic details and actions have already been mapped out for you. All you have to do is follow the map for to achieve the desired outcome. Talk is not going to get it done. It’s going to take actions and possibly a lot of it to get what you want done. This is critical for us as we build wealth and true residual income. And as we work with people we find they talk a good talk about their desire outcome, but put little to no effort into the actions it takes to get what they want.
Be a doer not a talker. Take actions. Don’t tell people you are going to get fit – do it. Don’t tell people you are going to have an amazing relationship people admire – do it. Don’t say you want residual income – do it. Then others will see your successful.
Integrity: Someone is Always Watching
The Birkman method, Eysenck questionnaire, DISC asssessment, and Myers-Briggs. These are all examples of temperament indicators use to determine how people perceive the world and make decisions. A lot of time and effort has been put into these methodologies and this isn’t a critique of these methodologies, (I better not, my wife teaches them to leaders) but I think there are simpler ways to assess people.
Please see below exhibit A: What I have named the Butler-Evanston assessment. It is a live situational assessment tool somewhat like candid camera if you will. How people transact in these scenarios say a lot about them and their general character. I am confident we could compile a longer list here are a few scenarios we like to observe people in order to assess them.
Exhibit A:
- Not putting your weights away at the gym.
- Holding the doors on the commuter train.
- Not cleaning up behind your dog on a walk.
- Signing up for something with zero intent of doing anything.
- Not putting your shopping cart away.
I’m sure you heard the adage: “Integrity is doing the right thing even when no one is watching” by C.S. Lewis? Well, in this modern world of everyone having a camera, someone is always watching. I’m of the mind that deeds know matter how big or small are important not words. 1those actions say so much about you as a person.
I believe it was the motivational speaker Eric “ET” Thomas who said “Everyone wants to be a beast until its time do what beasts do.” Let that sink in for a moment. You can scour Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn or any of the various social media platforms and see people doing such wonderful and altruistic things. We all see people daily whether they know they are being observed or not doing things that lack integrity. Those things aren’t on social media. At least they are only showing us their pumped pose in front of the weights put away.
I once read an article in Scientific America titled: “Why Don’t People Return Their Shopping Carts” by Krystal D’Costa. It was an insightful and amazing article as it illuminated some of the reasons (although I prefer to call them excuses) of why people don’t put their shopping cart away. People seem to be able to rationalize almost anything to justify their actions. The excuses range from: “it is someone else’s job.” to “the weather.” This article was so popular she had to do a follow-up! “Follow-up: The Reason People Don’t Return their Shopping Carts” to collate the feedback. It must have struck nerve.
The reality is temperament indicators aside people’s actions say more about who they are then any introspective assessment or for that matter any other modality because people will and can say any number of things but their actions are undeniable. When I see all irrational and salacious videos so popularized by quasi news shows like TMZ and viral videos seen on Youtube, I know this to be true.
The people who regularly the Butler-Evanston Assessment fail not only society they show a worrisome lack of integrity along with a selfish nature. This speaks to a character flaw and causes me to question: would I want to invest in this person or do anything of importance or meaning with them? As I mentioned earlier in the modern world someone is always watching.
The Love of an Animal: Personal Responsibility and Ownership
I am a self-admitted animal lover: always have been since my earliest memories. I can still remember my first pet, a German shepherd puppy given to us by our babysitters. We named him Bandit because of the dark markings around his eyes. I loved that dog so much and it was my responsibility to feed him, clean up after him and make sure he had water. Bandit slept in the garage out of the weather, without a crate. One evening when I was about ten years old, he got out of the garage. I was devastated and we couldn’t find him. I always hoped one day we would find him and then my mother told me he had been hit by a car that night he escaped the garage. I cried.
I always knew I’d have more pets. When I was about 21 years old, I adopted not one but two seeing eye dog rejects who were about a year old. A male named Flex and a female named Bit. There was nothing physically wrong with these dogs. They just didn’t grade out to be service dogs, but they were well trained pets for a home! I loved those dogs and cared for them like they were my children.
If you’ve read my previous blog then you know I went to Graduate school so my mother happily cared for them while I was away.
I kept Flex and Bit at the house during the house rebuild from the fire as it is hard to rent and keep two large German Shepherds. Ann and my father were a tremendous help at that time, even with the dogs as we needed to go over there and be responsible pet owners like I was with Bandit. During the rebuild Flex died of Bloat or gastric torsion and I felt a deep lost feeling it was a failure on my part. I wasn’t with them as much while we build the house, so I felt guilty that I didn’t see the signs. I was able to save Bit from the same fate just by chance.
A few years letter I decided I was time to get a couple more dogs so I imported two German Shepherd pups from Germany. The male named Winner vom Winnloh AKA Ajaye, and a female named Esra vom Wingerts-Graben AKA Blaze. I crated, housed, obedience and Schutzhund trained them. I took them to the veterinarian just like I would go to the doctor.
Bit loved those pups and at only six weeks when I got them, they were her children no doubt. That’s me, Bit and Blaze during the rebuild, of course Ann is taking the picture.
Bit, as she aged, became lame due to a herniation in her spine. I took her to UC Davis Veterinary Hospital to be evaluated along with a local vet who was experienced with the issue. Given her age and the amount of recovery time I opted for the locals vets procedure. Thankfully, with a ton of rehab on our part she rebounded and live for several more years before she died in her sleep.
My plan with the younger dogs was to breed them and raise German Shepherds but due to a genetic illness Blaze had called Pannus, I ended up neutering both dogs. Ajaye lived to be about ten years old but died unexpectedly of an undiagnosed tumor on his heart that ruptured. My poor boy. That was a dark day to see the puppy that I raised just die so suddenly.
Blaze the “million-dollar dog” I called her. It’s because she was one rambunctious dog! She would escape the kennel, by get through not one, not two, but THREE fences to run wild in the neighborhood. Her nose was always pink from digging and her teeth broken from chewing through boards. She managed to get herself on the Potential Dangerous Animal list costing us not only time dealing with animal control but money. She was a holly terror, but we loved her. She would get these crazy cysts that had to be removed. She ultimately came down with Doggy vertigo which was the beginning of the end and at the time we put her down the vet told us she had bone cancer so there was nothing we could do.
Ultimately, why do I share? It’s all about responsibility and ownership. I always felt personally responsible since day one whether it was Bandit, Flex, Bit, Ajaye or Blaze. I signed up for that responsibility which entailed all the things that go into raising our four-legged family members. I believe it is truly a gift, a blessing to take ownership of animals that can bring so much joy and life into a household.
On Becoming a Man: The Pain of Loss
I never bought into the concept of turning 18 and being an adult just as a by-product of some arbitrary law or date. I can’t truly tell you why but maybe it was due to the close, love and respect I had for my parents and elders in my family.
I was and am a momma boy, the youngest of a two-child family and the only son. My earliest memories are of fun times with my family: BBQ’s, trips fishing with my Big Mama (grandma), and holiday celebrations. I took for granted the youth and vigor of my family but why should I have thought otherwise. My youth and my formative years were great. I spent plenty of time with my maternal grandparents in Washington state as well as Northern California with my parents and sister. During my formative years there was some distance between me and my dad. In hindsight, I think it was because he saw a lot of himself in me and assumed, I would get into some of the mischievous things he and his brothers did at my age.
When I was 28 years old I pretty much thought I was man. That was when that belief was tested. My mother was diagnosed with a form of Leukemia called Multiple Myeloma. I took care of my mother, not only saving our family home from foreclosure, but taking her to dialysis, taking care of the house, pay bills, you name it if she had been doing it, I was now. During those two years she was sick I was sure to talk to my mother daily about how much I love her, what she wanted to do with her remaining time and how she wanted to go across the rainbow bridge. I knew she was scared and so was I but I carried out her wishes to the letter. I can still see her as I stood by and watched her take her last breath.
This was the most traumatic event I had ever experienced in my life. It through my life into a tailspin. It was so painful to think that the person that had brought me into this world was just gone. I mean when you think of the things that make a person who they are to you and poof. That physical reality is just gone.
I also made a point to be sure I became close to my dad. I would often take him to the horse races as it was one of his favorite things to do. It was great having my father around and he was truly invaluable as I dealt with the childhood home, now mine, having a huge fire in 2001. We did the demolish together and he kept his eye on the build. In 2003, when the house was ready to be occupied, I gave my father a tour of what I had done to our family home. I knew in the moment that my dad was proud of the man I had become and the things I had done in taking care of my mother and the house. The next morning, I found out my father had passed away suddenly in his sleep.
In the span of five years I had lost the two most important people in my life.
There honestly aren’t any words to describe the pain, loss and utter chaos of these events. People say time heals all wounds. I’m going to tell you from a grief perspective that is a lie. The loss of a love one is unimaginable; its like being blindsided. There is just no way to prepare for it. I went to grief counseling and it did provide some relief but the only way I can truly explain this pain and loss is that it is like dropping a rock in a pool of water. The epicenter being the most violent and turbulent of the waves of pain but as you get further away from the epicenter the distance and the intensity of the waves weakens. I still experience sudden pain related to the loss of my parents.
If you or anyone you know is experiencing grief, I implore you to go see a Grief Counselor or professional who is trained in dealing with this type of pain. Growing up takes on a whole new concept when you must deal with loosing those you love.